i graduated from iit delhi
I finally graduated. Even saying it was a wild ride of summers without a single day off would be an understatement. I studied every day, hacking through subjects, learning and unlearning, trying to be consistent, and doing everything I could to win the battle. It was a great deal for someone who hadn’t attended a single class in the past 3 years, slept through most of the mornings, and downloaded the course slides just a day before the exam.
Coming from a background of physical disability, life becomes much harder at every step. Of course, the experience is subjective for every differently-abled individual, and I am no different. I had my share of struggles when it came to understanding classroom lectures, talking to friends, speaking in a group, and communicating clearly. Adding to this was the competitive environment that naturally comes with IIT Delhi. It had been an overwhelming 4 years and I am glad it is over. Now that I have completed all my courses, finished my degree almost on time, and had it awarded on Convocation Day, perhaps it is time to reflect on some part of it. It still feels like a dream, and I am a dreamer indeed.
When I first joined college, I was carefree. But reality had to hit me sooner than I had expected. I started scoring very low, and my grades left me at the bottom of the class. I knew this would have consequences, but I was too anxious to pause and assess what went wrong, too anxious to take back the control. It was 1st semester… and then it was 8th semester, just in a blink. I preferred skipping classes to stay sane, survived on antidepressants for semesters, and barely picked up lecture slides. Sometimes I wonder how I managed to clear all the other courses. Many of them were tough, and I was probably - very, very lucky.
What helped me survive was my everyday interaction with Mahima, her Khana Peena Vibe Karna, my online friends on Twitter (a lot of them), Priyal, Mihit, Angelie Ma'am, (sorry to other people whose name I have missed), my random internships, side projects, and self-claimed research work.
After the 8th semester, I had a total of 5 backlogs. That realization hit me hard. My degree was about to get extended. I had to clear retest exams for the courses I flunked in my 8th semester, and redo the 3 courses I had failed in previous semesters. It felt like an impossible goal for someone like me. It was hard to pull through, and I was totally underconfident.
In April, during a conversation with Mahima at Biotech Lawn, I told her I wanted to extend my degree and do my courses at my own pace. At the time, I didn’t know exactly what that meant — only that I had 5 backlogs, a summer, and then an extended degree. She made me sit down, talked me through it, and made me understand that I could pull it off with enough effort. Being silly me, I didn’t believe in myself. All I knew was — let’s give it a shot.
Following that summer after my 8th semester, I worked hard every day. I studied for 8–10 hours, solved PYQs, reviewed lecture notes almost daily, took a lot of help from ChatGPT, and wrote extensively with pen and paper. I kept this up every day. During exams, I avoided sleeping the night before and took small naps instead — not healthy, but I compensated with eating healthy food.
In the early days, I doubted how long I could continue before breaking down. I had never lived such a life before, but to my surprise, this became my new lifestyle, with only a day or two off once in a while. It still made me tired, but it became easier later than it was a few months ago. When I was only one course away from my final goal of clearing my degree on time, a disaster struck. During the last exam, there was a misunderstanding about the exam policy. It was supposed to be an Open Notes exam, and we were allowed to bring copies. Since the course was tough, many of us had written solutions on paper. However, the professor’s definition of “Open Notes” didn’t mean what we thought, and our notes were taken away. I hadn’t studied properly, and I failed.
It was my last exam. My degree got extended by one course because of my stupid mistake. The date was 26th July. I was supposed to graduate on 2nd August. I was completely heartbroken. Telling my parents was even harder.
On 27th July, all the students who failed the exam gathered late at night to figure out what we could do. A friend somehow talked us through the situation and helped us get a retest exam scheduled for the 30th — just 2 days before Convocation. I gave it my all, studied properly this time, relied less on notes, and taught myself the course well enough to pass. And yes — I passed. The feeling was indescribable.
I had finally graduated. I did it. It was all worth it, and I came out victorious. I cleared 2 re-major exams and 3 self-study courses. I wrapped up everything by 31st July, got my grades in the morning, cleared my no-dues by evening, registered for my convocation on 1st August, and finally got my degree on 2nd August.
I still don’t know exactly how to feel. The emotions haven’t settled yet — I’m still on a high. I don’t have to go to classes anymore, but that doesn’t change much since I never attended them anyway. What really makes a difference is that I am free. Figuratively.
Sometimes I feel my mind is being stretched from all directions, and now there’s one less direction pulling me away. My goal is perhaps to have no pulls in any direction at all — to be like a sphere.
There is still so much more to say, but perhaps I feel far more than I can ever put into words. Thank you for reading this, and it you made it till the end. :)